What We Often Forget

Copyright 2008 Soderman Consulting

I read a great post today over on IWillChangeYourLife.com on some of the things we forget while we rush through our busy lives. The post covers such things as:

• Take Joy Where You Find It
• Free Yourself By Forgiving Your Rivals
• Do Not Take Yourself Seriously
• Enjoy Friendship and Companionship
• Give to Others

The point made by the post is that by observing some easy-to-follow, yet easily forgotten steps, we can liberate ourselves from the stresses we feel each day, and in turn, lead a more joyful life.

Why do we forget such simple lessons as "take joy where you find it". Children know this lesson instinctively. They can find the pleasure of splashing in a puddle, playing with mud pies, or just a big hug, and each creates just as much joy as the next.

But as we grow older, as we become grownups, we gradually lose the sense of wonder that a child thrives on. We become cynical, and "reality" intrudes. It doesn't have to, of course. We just get wrapped up in the trappings of life - the bling, the bills, the relationships - and we start to forget what is important: the joy.

Take some time, maybe even now, to think about the last time you felt joy. Was it today? Yesterday? Last week? Can you recall it at all?

Without joy, life is just a stumble from one event to another. Don't waste another minute. Find what it is that brings you joy, and strive for it, revel in it. Then share it with those around you. It will multiply, and you won't forget it.

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Don't Take No For An Answer - Even From Yourself

Statue of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow - Courtesy dbking

Claire over at Bebo Author asked the question "What Is A Writer Anyway?"

While she addresses this on the level of a writer, the more general question is "What's holding you back?"

As she notes in her blog entry, many folks hold themselves back. Whether fear of rejection, procrastination, or just a lack of confidence, many folks give up their dreams, leaving the lingering thought in the back of their minds - what if?

In the end, there really is only one obstacle to reaching your dreams. And that obstacle is you. As Claire points out, the only way to be a better writer is to write. You can apply that to pretty much anything. Want to be a better singer? Sing. Want to be a better bricklayer? Lay brick. Do the work.

Now some may say "I want to be successful NY Times bestselling author!", to which I respond with a simple question - Why?

When I hear folks say something like that, I don't hear that they want to be a great author, to excel in writing. I hear that they want the fame and/or the cash that goes with being on the bestseller list. But if that's what they want, there are much easier, much more lucrative ways to do it. If the money is the goal, go do what you do best and find a way to make it pay. If what you really want to do is write, then do it for the love of the process, the art. The money will resolve itself.

More often than not, it's those nagging doubts inside that get the better of us. Those little voices that say "I can't" are the real obstacles. My advice to you is - don't take "no" for an answer, especially yourself. Figure out what you really want, set some goals, and put your best foot forward. Break it into small steps, and achieve each one. What once seemed impossible will suddenly develop into a possibility, then a probability, and finally reality. You just need to forge ahead, with those goals in your sights.

Stop telling yourself you can't, start telling yourself you will.

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"You're Not A Wife, You're A Job."

Copyright 2008 Old Sarge

As I was pulling out of the parking garage a couple of days ago, an ad was playing on the radio for a new episode of Dr. Phil's reality show. You know the one, where people who are progressively more screwed up than the previous group get a dose of the good doctor's tutelage.

Normally, I tune these ads out. These reality shows just seem too much like an appeal to the lowest common denominator. But there was one line in the ad that stood out.

"You're not a wife, you're a job".

Dr. Phil was admonishing what appeared to be a particularly manipulative and selfish subject, who demanded so much of her mate that being with her was more like work than a relationship.

I think we've all been in those relationships at one point or another. It starts out with you wanting to please your significant other, perhaps even changing your ways a bit to satisfy them. In a healthy relationship, this is all part of a give-and-take, of a becoming "we" in addition to being individuals.

But in some cases, that change you make only turns into a demand for more. And the more you change, the more is asked of you. And yet, there is no change on the other end. It's a one-sided deal and you're getting the short end of it.

I have a friend whose first marriage went this way. He was a bit of a wild man, a little Bohemian in nature. He met his wife-to-be, and she fell in love with him as he was. And he fell in love with her.  But she had an idea that she would "tame" him, asking him to change the way he dressed, the way he acted. She thought she could 'improve" him.

And change he did. He loved her enough to change against his core being and act/talk/dress the way she wanted.

Guess what? She stopped loving him.

Why? Because he was no longer the person she fell in love with. He worked his tail off to be what she said she wanted, and every step he took moved him farther away from who he was, and who she fell in love with. His job, at that point, was pleasing his wife, and she fired him.

Some of us go a different route. We believe that marriage is a vow taken seriously, and we are determined not to be in that 50%+ statistic about divorces. We can make it work - it just takes effort. We genuinely believe it, and work hard at it.

But notice the word that keeps coming up: work. There should be effort, to be sure. But when the effort is one-sided, and the moments of joy are far overshadowed by what's required to "earn" them, the relationship becomes more like a job. The analogy of a frog and boiling water is an apt one. Drop a frog in boiling water, he'll jump right out. But put him in cool water and heat it slowly, and he's likely to sit in it till he's cooked. If we see the trouble up front, we'll bail. But when it slowly evolves over time, we don't detect it until we're cooked.

To be sure, we're to blame. We get ourselves into the situation, then become afraid of what we need to do to get out. The pain of being alone often surpasses the pain of continuing the relationship. So we plug along, "working" at it. But in the end, who are we helping? Not ourselves, and not the other person in the relationship.

If you think you might be in this situation, ask yourself a few questions -

• Am I constantly walking on eggshells, afraid I'll say the wrong thing?
• Does it seem like I can't do anything to please my partner?
• Are the moments of joy being overwhelmed by the effort to achieve them?
• Is heading off to work a relief, a break from being at home?
• Have I changed dramatically to maintain this relationship? Has my partner changed for the relationship?

These questions are a start. If you have answered more than 1 or 2 of these questions "yes", then take a hard look at your relationship. You deserve to be happy, and you shouldn't have to "work" two jobs to do it.

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The Random List - Five Sites To Visit For Valentine's Day

Copyright 2008 Soderman Consulting

Yes, one of Hallmark's favorite holidays is here - Valentine's Day.

It's that time of year when a guy can either be a hero or a bum, depending on whether he thought ahead. I'm hoping for hero this year.

I decided to put together some sites for those of you who may need a little help getting through (or past) February 14th. This can be a tricky event to navigate, and hopefully this short list will get you through any tough spots.

Just peruse the offering below, and if you find any you like, be sure to let us know. And if you have a favorite, add it to the comments so we can all share in the resources. You never know when you might need help on this reddest of red holidays.

Oh, and as a side note, Valentine's Day is not the most popular for cards as far as Hallmark is concerned. Nope, not Mother's Day either. Try Christmas.

1. Proflowers.com - Some of you may not think this is very original, nor did I claim it to be. But these folks have never let me down. I have ordered from them for years, and the flowers are always delivered on time, and exquisitely fresh. They also tend to last. I have seen them hang tough for as long as two weeks, attesting to the quality of the packaging, shipping and the flowers themselves. If you thought ahead, you may have already used them. If not, get your order in to get out of the doghouse.
2. How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend - For the more cynical gals, a primer on dumping the guy you're no longer interested in. Of course, if you read it, the more cynical it sounds. But hey, if you need tips, here ya go. But never fear guys, we found one for you too... How To Break Up With Your Girlfriend.
3. The History of Valentine's Day from The History Channel - As you might expect from the fine folks at The History Channel, they've put together an entire mini-site dedicated to Cupid's day of frolic. Valentine's Day has a particularly religious origin, with as many as three Catholic saints as the possible namesakes. In fact, Valentine's Day was set as February 14th back in 498 A.D. by Pope Gelasius - so blame it on him.
4. Custom Made M&M Candies - This is fun for just about any occasion. You can have M&Ms printed and gift boxed with your choice of messages and colors. The website even lets you preview them before you order. Yeah, it's too late now, but hey, there's gotta be an anniversary or something coming up, right?
5. Valentine's Day on Flickr - A slideshow of images from Flickr tagged with Valentine's Day. One note - before you click the link, be sure you have your Flickr setting set to "Safe". Some of the images can be a bit racy.

If you got a favorite site, let us know by adding a comment! And be sure to give us a vote on Stumble if you liked what you saw!

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Does Water Help The Creative Process?

Ever hear someone say that they do their best thinking in the shower? That's me. For some reason, water seems to trigger the creative process in me like almost nothing else. It can be the shower in the morning, a tub in the evening, a Jacuzzi under the stars - doesn't really matter. It just seems that water gets the juices flowing.

I've racked my brain for a logical answer and haven't really found one. I suppose we could look at it metaphysically and say that the sound or sensation of running water, is like a subliminal message to the mind, telling it to let things flow.

Or perhaps, it's that I have adopted these routines over four decades. I used to read voraciously in the tub, and the act of taking a shower tells my body it's time to go to work. But I can say for certain that a vast majority of the ideas I come up with come from a place that seems to read "just add water".

Of course, there is a downside to this. Ever try balancing a laptop on the edge of the tub? It's a Wile E. Coyote scene waiting to happen. The laptop hasn't gone in yet, but the drink, towel, reading glasses and watch all have. So now I leave the laptop on the kitchen table and use my new analog PDA (writing journal) instead. Of course, paper gets wet too, and a warm tub has the effect of putting me to sleep. Not terribly productive, and it has potential to get ruined. But at least I won't get electrocuted in the process and my laptop stays safe.

But I think there is something deeper here. Everyone has a place or an environment that recharges them. Mine always seem to involve water and wind. I love the rain, storms make me feel recharged. One of my favorite places to relax and let nature work its magic is on a boat on Silver Lake. It's a High Sierra alpine lake that always has a breeze and the sound of water lapping on the hull of the boat.

As a kid, I would spend hours in the pool, coming out only long enough to grab a quick lunch. Ocean creatures are my favorites, and dolphins make me happy.

For some reason, my body is tuned into water, and water seems to let the creative muse out.

So why do you care? Simple. Everyone has a place, an environment that relaxes or rejuvenates them. Perhaps it's trees or a garden. Or maybe it's just the feeling of the sun on our face. Think to those times when you feel recharged, full of energy. What are the sensations, the sounds, the scents? And how can you recreate them? Find a surrogate for the sun or a proxy for the garden. Maybe you can pot a plant - easy to do indoors. Get out on your lunch break and soak up a few rays. Whatever it is, find the key to unlocking your creative vault. Just the process alone will make you feel better, stronger, more energized. And we can all use more of that!

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The Two Pots

I came across this entry on a website today, and for some reason it spoke to me. We spend so much time looking for the perfect that we forget that the imperfections are what makes us unique.

Take the time to embrace not only the imperfections in others, but in ourselves.

The Two Pots - Inspirational Words of Wisdom

A Water Bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which he carried across his neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years, this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes my water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, we would not have such beauty."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

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Eepy Birds Strike Again!

EepyBird.com: The Domino Effect

The Extreme Diet Coke & Mentos Experiments II - The Domino Effect: Fritz & Stephen, the mad scientists from EepyBird, take it even further - with over 250 geysers of soda. And this time they're linked together in one giant chain reaction! A clever mechanism harnesses the power of one geyser of Diet Coke to drop the Mentos into the next bottle. So just like dominos, all they have to do is start the first one, and the rest is Diet Coke & Mentos history!

You've probably seen these guys before. Their antics have even inspired an episode of "Mythbusters" where they worked to determine exactly what the mechanism is that causes Mentos and Diet Coke to react so vigorously. This time, they figured out a way to get one fountain to trigger the next. Watch and enjoy!


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